Congratulations on your engagement! There are going to many things to plan and discuss leading up to your wedding... Dr Robert S Eliot is quoted as saying: "Rule number one is — don't sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is — it's all small stuff!"

Although, when planning a wedding, it sometimes feels as if there is a mountain of small stuff to sweat about — don't! Your engagement is a very special chapter in your life and one that is meant to be enjoyed.

It is certainly not every day that you'll have the opportunity to organise a special occasion that will revolve around just the two of you — so do try to relax and enjoy it.

It is not intended to be a time devoted to working yourself into a nervous wreck. In order to have fun on the day you need to have fun during the process. It is also important to ensure that you allow time for the two of you to spend together discussing your future plans after the wedding.

One groom confessed to me that he was completely bewildered by what he called 'the wedding machine'. He said he went from one day being called 'the boyfriend' to the next day being 'the fiancé' and suddenly all conversation revolved around 'the big day'.

Don't worry about the odd hiccup

It is vital not to become too obsessed with details. I have witnessed brides who have become so fixated with the planning of their wedding day that I often feel that they have lost the plot!

Sure, you want everything to be perfect, but sometimes it is the little hiccups that occur that make the day more memorable.

At my son's wedding the best man forgot the ring and captured on video is my husband racing away in his car to fetch the ring before the bride arrived at the church!

This event caused much mirth amongst the guests and a lot of ragging at the best man's expense.

Planning from afar

At Celebration House we have noticed an increasing trend for young South Africans working overseas to return home for their weddings.

Whilst much of the organising can be done from afar, thanks to e-mail, often a substantial amount of the planning is left to the mother of the bride who, in many instances, has never had to organise a large function before.

If this is what you find yourself faced with — relax!

Organisation is key

I have often described planning a wedding as being very similar to doing a jigsaw puzzle with family members. Each one has their own opinion of how things should be done, which areas must be tackled first, who should do what, etc.

Once the initial squabbling is over everyone gets to work and eventually everybody shares a feeling of great accomplishment and mutual pride when finally all the pieces come successfully together.

Bearing in mind that weddings are expensive, you will find that time spent choosing the right photographer, venue, florist, etc. will pay dividends.

While it's certainly important to work within your budget, this is one time when you shouldn't be tempted purely by the lure of low prices, as the old adage that "you get what you pay for" certainly applies to weddings!

At the start of your planning, it is advisable to purchase a large sturdy folder and as you make decisions on which service providers you will be using, write down their names and contact details on the inside cover.

Wherever possible obtain their cellphone numbers as well. This will alleviate a lot of stress when in an emergency you (or other members of the bridal party) are searching for their details.

Work out your budget

It is essential to sit down and work out a budget regarding what you can afford to spend on your wedding. Be realistic, you don't want to have to start your married life paying off a wedding.

It is an expensive celebration and most couples are unaware that an average wedding today can cost in the region of R75 000.

Many families now agree to share the costs of the wedding or the parents offer the couple a set amount and leave it to them to decide exactly how they want to spend it.

When considering cost, it is also a good idea to decide on the kind of wedding you would like to have. Would you prefer a morning brunch, a relaxed country luncheon or a formal evening affair? The last mentioned is of course the most costly, as you have to feed and entertain your guests for up to eight hours!

When you arrive at the total amount you think the wedding will cost you, it is wise to add on a further 10 percent to the budget to cover any unforeseen expenses that may arise.

Who pays for what?

Traditionally speaking, the bride's family pays for:

• Invitations and all wedding stationery for church and reception.


• Bride's and bridesmaids' dresses and accessories.


• Flowers for the church and receptions.


• Photographer/videographer.


• All reception costs, music, etc. (excluding drinks, barmen and related expenses)


• The wedding cake and bonbonnieres.

The groom's family pays for:

• Legal expenses (ante-nuptial contract)


• The wedding rings


• Ceremony expenses (marriage officer's fee, organist, choir, soloist, tips, etc.)


• The bride's and bridesmaids bouquets, as well as buttonholes and corsages for the wedding party.


• Hiring of clothes for the groom and best man, if necessary.


• Gifts for the bridesmaids and best man.


• Drinks at the reception and related expenses, i.e. hiring of barmen, hiring of glasses, etc.


• The honeymoon

The guest list

Once you have decided on your budget and style of wedding the next step is to meet with both sets of parents and to write out your guest list.

Only after you have an idea of the number of guests you wish to invite can you rush out and start looking at venues. An important point to bear in mind is that your photographer, videographer and musicians need to be given a meal as well as your guests, so they should be included in your final head count.

While getting married is undoubtedly an expensive business today, the trick is to start planning and budgeting well in advance, so that your choices are not restricted and you have the time to research all the possibilities.

Remember — it's all about you two

Another very important point (and one that I will be repeating often) is to never lose sight of whose wedding it is that you are planning. Always remember that it is your wedding day — not the one your mother wanted twenty-five years ago, or the one your sister thinks you should have.

Also always remember that as it is your wedding and your money that will be paying for it, you can never ask enough questions.

Happy planning!

For more info, see the Celebration House website.