We all have a unique hierarchy of values, things that are most important to least important to us. When we set goals, intentions, or expectations that are in alignment with our highest priority, we are spontaneously inspired to act and have the highest probability of fulfilling them. When we set goals that are in alignment with our lower values we decrease the probability of their fulfillment.
After working with hundreds of thousands of attendees and clients within the seminars that I present or consulting that I do around the world, I have found that there are a series of common unrealistic expectations that undermine people’s overall level of fulfillment.
Anytime you have an unrealistic expectation on yourself or others, your psychology and physiology will let you know it by providing your conscious mind and body with emotional feedback.
The 10 more common unrealistic expectations I have noticed include:
1. Unrealistic expectation for other people to live in some purely one-sided manner – being only supportive without challenging; being only nice without mean; being only pleasureful without painful; being only positive without negative; being only kind without cruel’; being only honest without dishonest; etc. Monopolar behavior is unsustainable and unrealistic to continuously expect.Because you have a unique set of values when others support your highest values it brings out one side (nice) and when they challenge your highest values it brings out the opposite side (mean) of your full balanced and overall loving nature.
2. Unrealistic expectation upon other people for them to live outside their own highest values and in someone else’s, or your highest values.
Every decision other people will make will be based upon what they believe at any moment will give them the greatest advantage over disadvantage. They will not necessarily live in accordance with your highest values, unless they are either temporarily infatuated with you, or by doing so they believe they will receive some greater advantage than disadvantage in their own highest values.
It is not so much that others betray you. It is more that you are projecting your highest values on to them and expecting them to live in accordance with your highest values more than their own. Betrayal is not so much what others do to you, as it is, what you do to you when you project your unrealistic expectations onto them.
3. Combination of unrealistic expectations #1 and #2.
These two unrealistic expectations bring about a compound feedback response. Others will not live long-term in a one-sided manner or live according to your highest values. Others want to be loved for who they are, not necessarily what you unrealistically expect them to be.
4 Unrealistic expectation upon yourself to live in a purely one-sided manner.
It is certainly unrealistic to expect yourself to be always supportive and never challenging, always nice and never mean, always positive and never negative, etc. Again, when you perceive that your highest values are being supported it will bring out one side of you (nice), and when you perceive your highest values are being challenged or threatened it will bring out the other side of you (mean).
5. Unrealistic expectation upon yourself to live outside your own highest values and inside other’s highest values.
Only during times of infatuation with others can you temporarily attempt to live in accordance with their highest values, or when you believe that doing so will provide you more advantages over disadvantages to your highest values. As R. W. Emerson stated, “envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide.”
6. Combination of unrealistic expectations #4 and #5.
These two unrealistic expectations bring about a compound feedback response. You will not live long-term in a one-sided manner or live according to other’s highest values.
7. Unrealistic expectation upon the collective society to live in a purely one-sided manner.
Society is composed of a super culture of counter cultures giving rise to collective supportive-cooperative-agreeing-nice and challenging-competitive-disagreeing-mean behaviors. We as a collective society require both support and challenge to maximally adapt, evolve and grow. Over support can make us juvenile dependents and over challenge can make us precociously independents. Both behaviors are required for our overall stability and psychological infrastructure.
8. Unrealistic expectation upon the collective society to live inside your own highest values.
To expect the entire society around you to live in your highest values is delusional. With everyone having a unique set of values, to expect others to live in accordance with your highest value is certainly unrealistic. Others can only make decisions according to their own highest values and nor yours.
9. Unrealistic expectation upon mechanical objects to function in a one-sided manner.
To expect your mechanical devices to support you without challenging you would also be unrealistic. Phones can set you free and at the same time can constrain you to your office. Cars provide you free mobility but add to traffic jams that limit your mobility.
10. Combinations of the above.
Unfulfillment and even depression can be due to you comparing your current reality, which is balanced and two sided, with one or more of these one-sided, unrealistic expectations, which are primarily one-sided. So the next time you are feeling unfulfilled review this above list of unrealistic expectations and see which one or more of them just might be underlying your current feelings of dissatisfaction. Setting realistic, objective expectations can set you free of a lot of unnecessary feelings of unfulfillment and allow you to fulfill what you truly value most.
Find out what your true hierarchy of values is by taking the free online Value Determination Test : https://drdemartini.com/values/login