Here are some essential points to bear in mind when bringing up a teenager:

  • What are you trying to achieve? Set an overall goal for your parenting. Now set some goals for yourself. Look at all the levels: mental, emotional, physical, spiritual which includes: occupational, recreational, social, famlial, deeply personal.

  • We want our teenager to be a man with: commitment, compassion and courage, guided by a core inner strength and confidence.

  • Remember adolescence is a process; and life is a journey.

  • You can always learn and change and its never to late to love.

  • Adolescence is about learning to become an adult not learning to become a superteen.

  • Having a good relationship with your teen is the most important aspect of parenting.

  • Helping teens reach these goals requires parents who know about the 4 L's:

    • Love: Having a caring relationship, creating a home that is nurturing and safe. This promotes inner love.

    Laughter: Positive emotions are essential for growth and well being. Promotes health, hope, belief.

    Limits: Not restrictions but focus and direction. Goal setting. Knowing the ABC's of a choice. Setting boundaries like house rules, family rules, acceptable behaviour, values and rights promotes self discipline, motivation, security.

    Linkages: Encourage your teen to have healthy connections, to make a contribution. Lead by example about giving and receiving. This promotes social responsibility, support.

  • Parent by choice and not by chance. Parenting requires knowing who you are and what you want and need. You must be self aware, have empathy, be able to control your reactions and impulses, be positive and goal-oriented, and know your social skills and communication skills.

    • Your teen should feel:
    Appreciation: I am loved, valued and cared about.
    Belonging: I am grounded and feel connected. I am supported.
    Competencies: I know how to interact. I know how to manage myself. I am clear about what I need.
    Confidence: I know who I am. I feel. I know what is important to me.
    Contributions: I matter. There is more than me. I can make a difference.

  • Invest in their strengths, at least more than we correct their weaknesses. See their best possibilities.

  • Know when your buttons are being pushed, in what situations and how you react. Do you fight, withdraw, freeze (overwhelmed, confused, fearful) or lecture. Then you will understand how your teen reacts better.

    • Love passionately and deeply.

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