If there was ever any truth in the Mars versus Venus debate, it’s how men and women respond to conflict.
Yes, Mars likes to "cave" by going into his man-room and tinkering about with gadgets and/or watch a porn movie, while Venus likes to surround herself with other Venuses so that she can bitch about their Marses.
Mars likes to feel "alpha" all the time, where a seemingly small thing like a Venus climbing afoot a step ladder to change a light bulb will tip the fragile balance make them feel emasculated.
Venus expresses herself through words while Mars expresses himself through actions.
Yes, John Gray, the author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus has infiltrated our lives with the gender planets at one point or another, and whether it’s a load of money-spinning, self-help bollocks or just plain fact, one can’t deny that when it comes to conflict, Doctor Gray may just be onto something.
After a man and women fight — be it drunk over a horrendous dinner party, be it over the jocks aisle in Woolworths, be it on the phone after your boss sacks you for arriving five minutes late — something very conclusive occurs.
At least I think so. Which brings me to the subject of make-up sex.
According to Dr Gray’s terminology, I’m a true Venus. After an argument, I don’t want this so-called make-up sex everyone speaks of.
My boyfriend: "You never want make-up sex."
Me: "That’s because I’m still angry."
My boyfriend: "I thought we’d made up."
Me: "We have. I need time to stew. Before I fornicate."
To round off the perfect argument, men shag and women stew. End of story.
Or do they?
According to my boyfriend, I might be the only woman in the world who doesn’t engage in a bout of corrective copulation. I think he’s watched Mr & Mrs Smith one too many times. Particularly the scene where Brad and Angelina try to knock each other off and end up knocking each other up instead.
But then, I’m not Angelina. After a fight, I need a cooling off period. Talking to boyfriend after he’s properly pissed me off seems almost impossible, never mind thinking I’d like to sleep with him. The thought of passionately devouring him just makes me more irate.
I am however, not normal. What I want to do after an argument is pour myself a glass of Pinot Grigio and go shopping. He says he wants to bang me into the wall like a nail.
I’ve been told by friends and my boyfriend alike that make-up sex can be the most passionate, tension-relieving feeling in the world. One male friend of mine likens it to pushing 50 kilogram weights at the gym, except with a happier ending and hopefully less torn muscle.
There’s the rub. If make-up sex is the key to quick and intense intimacy then hooray! Whoever suggested this idea in the beginning of time should be medaled.
I'm starting to see the light here but then I do have one specific requirement for sex after a fight. I want passion. Call me crazy, but fire first and then perhaps I'll say I'm sorry.