The days of casual bar hopping, smooching in public alleyways with a stranger, hooking up with the night's target with no thoughts of the future, are officially behind us. Heck, they've been behind us for a while now, but the notion of being Bridget Jones at every dinner party is now very much a cemented reality.

It's one thing being the girl without husband or live-in lover, I needn't moan about that because until I find someone that gets me, I'd really rather have it that way.

Standards people!

More concerning, at least in my books, is seeing many of my friends — boys and girls — settling for something that doesn't even slightly adhere to their standards.

There's something in the water; someone has tipped bucketfuls of desperation into the Vaal Dam it seems, creating feverish symptoms in my single friends; symptoms that are bringing out some pretty severe characteristics.

For instance, one of my friends has been seeing and living with a man for almost a year now. To be frank, it is all too a familiar story, she is certainly not the only person out there who is grappling with this.

His treatment of her is becoming more indifferent by the day, and by the looks of things, he doesn't care if she stays or if she goes. This in turn is bringing out a dire side to her usually carefree personality. She's holding on even tighter, bowing to his every need for fear of being alone and the incessant terrifying image of having to buy a fleet of cats for comfort in her old age.

Settling down, not up

Her family and friends tell her 'to ride it out, he'll come round.' Which is the same message as 'It's better to be with someone that makes you unhappy than be alone.'

Frankly, that makes me red-hot lightning-crash angry.

She is 28, not 40. Usually bubbly, bright, not scared to voice an opinion, this girl has gone from being herself to a subservient husband-wanter. And I blame the pressures that this society has unleashed on her — that is she doesn't find someone soon, she might as well just give up on life altogether.

This pressure both baffles and terrifies the hell out of me.

Another watertight example concerns a male friend of mine. His girlfriend looks after him, packs him lunch for golf course and yet refuses to give him more than one shag a month, which to many people is better than no shag at all. (That’' why I own a Dolphin. Seriously.)

This male friend of mine is on the list for Biggest Catch In Johannesburg, and yet, from my standpoint it looks as if he's done the one thing that make me recoil in disappointment: he’s settled.

Look, I can understand how easy it is to slip into the 'woah, I'd better find someone fast' wagon. Especially in this town, whereby you attend dinner parties where people discuss Carrol Boyes watering jugs and patio furniture sets from Weylandts.

I get that it's hard when all your friends have found their 'Somebody'. But I also get downright depressed when I see their Somebody isn't all he or she is cracked up to be.

Tangible desperation

And it's even sadder when the woman in the duo keeps on mentioning wedding venues and ring shapes to the complete disregard of her partner. She's dying to get married, more so with the ever-increasing crescendo of nuptial ceremonies, and this desperation is almost tangible; I simply cannot stand it.

Weddings aside, why do people drop their standards when they feel they're sitting on the shelf? As we get older we also get wiser and have a clearer picture of what we want and what would be good for us, so why do so many people ignore the wisdom that we've attained throughout all the relationships we've had in our twenties?

They go and settle for something because they feel they'd rather be with something than be alone. I can almost understand it; being alone can be, well, lonely. And your families and friends just push and push using Carrol Boyes ladles of pressure.

"Why not go for Clive? He’s always been into you?"

The reason I haven't "gone for Clive" is because I don't find him sexually attractive and don’t even want to imagine him naked.

"Oh but you can grow to love him."

In other words: Just settle. It's better than nothing.

In fact, nothing is better than settling. Settling means you've lost faith in finding a partner that fits you like a puzzle piece. Settling means you don't believe it's out there. And the moment you drop your standards because you believe you have to, means you'll ultimately be unhappy. That doesn't sound so 'white wedding dress and happily ever after' to me.

Even if he doesn't exist, settling is a prison sentence. It's succumbing to what society thinks you should do. At the cost to your own happiness. And frankly, I think that some of us can do much better than that.