We were talking secrets the other day. Is it expected of us, or even appropriate that we share all of our secrets with our partners?

Being in a relationship makes us vulnerable in just opening our hearts to someone. However when it comes down to sharing secrets — are there some things that should just be left unsaid? And following on from that, does this make us dishonest?

Let's start with an extreme example. Say for instance you spent 10 years of your life in a State Penitentiary. You mixed with the wrong crowd, started an international drug-smuggling business, got busted, and spent a formidable amount of time behind bars. After learning your lesson, you were set free and re-emerged into the arduous world of dating and suit-wearing. Freshly scrubbed up, your friend sets you up on a blind date, where the person sitting in front of you turns out to be your perfect marriage partner. You fall instantaneously in love.

When is the right time?

During the starters, you chat about yourselves. What you love (cooking, sky diving, Pina Coladas in the pouring rain); and what you hate (grapefruit juice, pretentious places, polyester clothing). During mains you dabble with family, where you grew up, and which industry you work in. Being an ex-convict, you start to stumble, and break out into an unsightly sweat.

It's only the first date, and you're pretty darn certain you want to see this person again, and even again after that. Now your dirty little drug-smuggling secret wants to present itself.

You cannot possibly tell this person you've spent the last 10 years eating All Gold on bread on a metal plate wearing orange overalls. However, as a reformed person who has been reintegrated into society, your newly-replenished conscience pulls at your hem demanding that you speak the truth and get it over and done with.

Is this truly the opportune moment however? Surely make-or-break truths should be kept for date three, or at the very least, dessert.

Of course, you could always bend the story so that what you're formulating is not a complete and utter falsehood.

Perhaps you could say something like: "I ran my own company. Export import. It was going well, however because supply-and-demand was solely reliable on fighting through internationally-restrictive bureaucratic red tape and soaring taxes, I closed shop. I then took a 10-year sabbatical in solitary confinement in order to find enlightenment."

If that doesn't raise due suspicion or further interrogation, perhaps on date three, or just before you meet the prospective parents, you elaborate. The seed has already been sown, and because you didn't completely veer away from the truth, you continue with your story.

Better just to drop the bomb?

"You know my export-import business I was telling you about, honey? Did I ever mention that what I was issuing cross-border was only legal in small quantities in Amsterdam?"

Or perhaps it's better to just drop the bomb: "I smuggled marijuana honey… and spent 10 years in the slammer. Wow, this roast beef is exceptional… new marinade?"

Of course, that's an extreme example. But it begs the question: How much should you share with a partner?

Do they even want to hear all the details? In my humble experience, one should state the truth, but one needn't flog a dead horse.

Why did you walk out on your last marriage?

"Because it wasn't working," is completely justifiable.

"Because he sat watching cricket all day with his hand down his pants, and I decided to execute revenge by banging his best friend," is unnecessary.

What did you do in Latvia? "I was in the cabaret industry," is preferable to "I was a stripper".

However, I needn't explain why one should protect the truth in the following circumstances:

"Was your ex-boyfriend better in bed than me?" Lie.

"Do you like my mother?" Lie.

Or, tell me your deepest darkest secret? "I once went out with a dwarf who was a hermaphrodite."

You don't need to be Archimedes to know that it would be a misguided error to actually divulge your deepest darkest.

Although honesty and trust is paramount for a healthy relationship, I still believe that mystery and certain sacred secrets should never be told. Share it with the hole you'll rest in one day at the graveyard. What's in the past is there for a reason, and anything divulged about your future mother-in-law should only be kind. Because it's hard to close Pandora's notorious little box once flung open…