It's a fallacy that your sex life should diminish with age, says US sex therapist Dr Marty Klein.
His new book entitled Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want From Sex And How To Get It, explains that we develop our perceptions around sex and sexuality in our 20s and it is these perceptions that we carry with us through our life.
This means that we identify sex with young, healthy bodies, and sadly, as we get older, this perception is what results in our abandonment of sex because our bodies no longer match up to the standards we set for ourselves in the bedroom. So, in order to enjoy sex right through our lives, we need to continue to develop and change our perceptions around sex, argues Klein.
He calls this "sexual intelligence" and punts it as more important than any sex tips or techniques out there because it is about changing how we sex in order to enjoy it more.
"Sexual function is a means to an end, not an end in itself. Paradoxically, focusing on “function” often undermines sexual satisfaction," he writes in his Sexual Intelligence blog.
Klein also argues that the similarities between male and female sexual functioning are far more important than the differences - suggesting that the focus on difference is what often causes a break down in our sexual relations.
Trying to adhere to a sexual "norm" is impossible and destructive — "precisely what prevents us from becoming our authentic sexual selves."
Being self-conscious is a serious passion-killer.
As we get older, we need to accept our physical changes. While our bodies might not be lithe and youthful as they once were, they're what we've got and they're perfectly suited to giving and receiving pleasure.
Worrying that we don't fit into the general definition of what it is to be sexy is what distracts us from our enjoyment of the act of sex, argues Klein. The definition of sexy is very simply about being who you truly are — cellulite, belly fat, warts and all.