Loss of desire for sexual activity in young women is one of the most common sexual problems. Certain medical conditions as well as stress and fatigue may be the cause and it is a good idea to consult a doctor who will take a complete medical history and perform a comprehensive physical examination to rule out any organic reason for the loss of interest. We know that certain medications, alcohol and drug abuse can also reduce sexual desire.

Values and beliefs also have a profound influence on sexuality. Feelings about being a mother for example may diminish feelings of being a lover. It is not always physically easy to have sex after having had a baby. Add to this the loss of sleep, anxiety about being a new parent and the changes in responsibility and many women begin to deny their sexuality. They may become sexually detached and this can unfortunately turn into habit, a chronic loss of desire, which may last for years and is not easily understood. An important point to remember here is that sex does not necessarily mean penetration every time. There are other pleasurable ways of achieving sexual satisfaction particularly after a pregnancy when the key factor is to maintain intimacy and not lose the husband/wife connection.

Another rather subtle reason may stem from the male’s behavior. He may behave in a hostile or critical way, demand sex without any consideration of his partner and generally cause resentment which is difficult for her to express and which may manifest in a complete switching off of her sexual desire. This can also be a subconscious way of asserting herself in a situation where she may feel marginalized.

Communication remains one of the most important factors in dealing with the loss of desire in young women. Partners need to talk about how they feel. They need to be able to express their fears, anxieties and concerns in a non-threatening and accepting environment. Above all partners need to listen to one another and to learn to appraise themselves as well as the relationship. Changing behavior patterns in never easy but this is often what is required. It may take hard work and commitment, and for some it may feel easier just to give up on the sexual side of their marriage using all sorts of excuses, which benefit neither partner nor the relationship as a whole. Counseling may help to give insight into the dynamics of a relationship and begin to identify aspects that need to be changed.

It is impossible to cover the many psychological aspects that cause loss of libido, but with some effort, the reintroduction of romance into a relationship, as well as good communication, many young women are able to feel sexually turned on once again.