Male sex toys have evolved from flimsy inflatable dolls to high tech devices designed to take your me-time to whole new interstellar level.
Despite the stigma that still surrounds male sex toys, the market is, um, growing. The spike in popularity has finally given guys looking for a little helping hand a wider variety of options that's been lacking in the market for too long. Gone are the days of Cindy the blonde inflatable companion. Instead, some of today's male sex toys resemble gadgets that Captain Kirk would probably use during those lonely hours in hyperspace.
Here are some of our futuristic favourites:
When it comes to male masturbators, Fleshlight is king. Known for their patented SuperSkin hyper realistic moulded vulvas (their Girls line are even moulded to actual porn stars' bits), Fleshlight is a firm favourite. The Fleshlight Flight is a new edition to the Fleshlight family. More compact and discreet than the original, and featuring a much more discreet orifice, the flight is perfect for travel. There are two versions of the Flight - the Pilot which has a bunch of bumps and ridges on the inside, and the Instructor that's smooth on the inside. The great news is that they're available in South Africa for around R900.
Hot Octopuss Pulse
Probably our favourite of all, the Pulse is so high tech, I'm sure Luke Skywalker has one of these for his other light sabre. This little fella uses the same oscillating technology that's been used to enable men with spinal cord injuries to impregnate their partners. The beauty of the Pulse is that you don't even have to be hard to use it. Simply put the frenulum (the area of your penis where the head meets the shaft on the underside of the penis) on the oscillating PulsePlate and let it do its magic. What's more the underside of the unit vibrates so it's great for couples. The Pulse is also very discreet, looking more like a weird mobile speaker than a sex toy. Sadly the Hot Octopuss Pulse is not available in SA yet, but there are a number of overseas online stores that stock them for around $99.
Tenga Flip Hole
This rather unfortunately named bad boy is actually quite a well thought out, technologically advanced sex toy. It offers various degrees of stimulation with myriad bumps and spires to massage your buddy in the most stimulating way. One of the coolest features of the Flip Hole (nope, still weird) is the "one hand control pad" which lets you pinpoint the internal pressure. The device flips open - hence the "Flip" - for easy cleaning, lube application and quicker drying - a problem most devices have. The Flip Hole is available in a number of colours and varying degrees of stimulation, suction and smoothness, and it's available locally for around R1700.
They should've called this one the James Brown, because it is literally a sex machine. Arguably one of the more awkward sex toys around, the Humpus consists of a rechargeable base with an attached silicone ring (there's also a dildo attachment for the ladies) that strokes your penis up and down, kind of like a hands-free kit for your penis. There's also a remote to control the stroking speed and a belt to keep the base in place for complete hands-free fun. The Humpus can be used in a number of different configurations... but it's best to watch the video. A warning: some things can't be unseen. If you're looking for a Humpus of your own, you'll have to look towards the UK. A fully loaded Humpus kit will set you back around £150.
Just a note when you purchase sex toys from overseas, our friends at SARS will slap a 20 percent duty on top of the standard 14 percent VAT when it, uhm, comes into the country.