A lot of us have been through it at some time or another: having a great liking for a friend's ex. Have you seen 'A Guy’s Thing'? One of those girl-meets-boy kinda movies. You know, quite predictable. But with a good performance from the girl who was in 'Save the Last Dance'. What was her name again? Uh… you know. Uh… the chick who was also in 'O'? Aaarrggghhh, I'll think about it later. Back to the main issue...

Dating your friend's ex is a thorny issue and you have to work extra hard to keep both the relationships working.

Violating the national anthem

On some level it is sweet and all, but think about the fact that your partner shared a bed with one of your close friends. S/he'll be like a 'we' guy/gal. It should be a golden, fundamental rule that you are not allowed to date your friend's ex. It should be like violating the National Anthem.

What about dating your ex? Isn't that like, uh, quite sad? It's like being so desperate that you end up dating your leftovers. Better still, what if you don't even remember that you dated or even slept together. That'll be like having a deja-screw. Really sad…

I had the (dis)pleasure of dating both my friend's ex and my own ex. Starting with the latter… One word: total-disaster. The story of my life. Once I start, I'll never finish, so I'll cut it short. After about two years we picked up the relationship again. Total bliss for the first two or three months. After that I suddenly remembered the reason why we broke up. So we broke up again!

A bit of turbulence...

Dating my friend's ex. I shouldn't have done that. Before I did, I talked to him and he seemed fine with it. The operative word being 'seemed'. The definition of 'seemed' being 'give the impression' or 'look as if'. He just okayed it 'coz he didn't want to seem as if he was still hung up about her.

Initially, things were cool. There was a bit of turbulence, slightly mixed with mayhem. But he okayed it, right? Wrong. At that particular point in time I didn't have a clue that he was hung up about it or that he was still drooling over her. We did things together. Went out on double dates together… But the moment of truth finally came.

One hot night

The fourth date. Before I go any further, I must explain that with some chicks there is this no getting laid on the 'third date' rule. Then again we could even wait for like a year before we get laid, but the operative word is 'sometimes'. Some girls are 'everything but' girls.

So, fourth date comes round and, jislaaik it, pure rapture. I couldn't believe it had happened.

The next day I couldn't wait to tell my bra about the events of the previous evening. The response I got was nothing I had expected. He shrugged. Then gave me an unequivocal gesture. His true colours surfaced.

I had to apologise. Don't know why, but I did. But I thought he okayed it. He said he wasn't still in love with her, just that the thought of me touching her was maddening him.

Slap in the face

It put some strain on our friendship initially, things slowly — en ek meen flippin’ stadig — picked up and we were almost back to normal. Eight weeks later, she broke up with me. Apparently she was still hung up about someone else. A million rand reward for the first correct guess. Need a clue or are you going to call a friend?

I then met my Suzie. I am glad I am not close friends with her ex, nor is she with mine. We haven't dated before and we have now been together for over two years.

I probably could have stopped things between my bra's ex and me. I probably shoulda broken things up. I probably would of split it anyways. These were the coulda's, shoulda's and woulda's that crept about my mind. Now, I have been with my Suzie and I love her to her toes. Oh, did I mention that it will take me longer than four dates? My Suzie is an 'everything but' girl…