When the demands on our time and energy increase we naturally become stressed, which often results in feeling more needy. Don't immediately look to your partner for the answers.

Check out ways to nurture yourself first. Pamper yourself with long sensual baths, do your nails or go for a facial or a massage. Spend time chatting about yourself with close girlfriends or family.

Join a mothers group or a clinic where you can get support. Start a daily "feelings" journal. And above all, exercise in whatever way you can.

Don't exclude your partner, but don't indulge his neediness either

New fathers often feel excluded by your attention to your newborn. As new mums, dad can begin to seem like the second needy baby. Don't fall for this. The hunger for total nurturing, feeling abandoned and wanting immediate attention is infantile.

Such a man needs therapy, not a wife. Men need to find ways to care for themselves first and then turn towards their partner for adult sharing, commitment and love.

Make it a priority to find a sitter and go out alone

Even better, get a sitter, get her settled and head off to your own bedroom together. And yes, sexual intimacy does change during this time. Our desire and our bodies are different.

The best way to sort this out is to talk and to take tender action. Spend more time playing and having fun together. Be more affectionate. Touch each other in a non-sexual way. Massage each other. Do exercise together.

Spend time in nature. Be sensual by experiencing the sensations of sun, water, sand and all the elements. This is just a phase, so be patient and slowly, slowly your old passions will re-ignite.

Romance comes alive when our imagination does

Reconnect to your dreams and fantasies, especially about your partner. Become sentimental and reread love notes and pull out your old pictures and talk about the fun you have had.

Indulge in keeping a "relationship" scrapbook and add little quotes and momento's. Romance requires giving. So reach out to your partner with new suggestions and ideas for exploration.

Try anything just once. Write notes to each other, buy silly gifts, and make up new cute nicknames for each other. Snuggle a lot and bring surprises.

Romance is about mystery, allure, and fascination. It requires a tender touch and a wide-open heart full of the desire to give and discover. It's the simple things that are the most romantic, like a look, a touch, remembering a special date, whispering or smiling at your partner. Your special spark may be just one long lingering hug away.

Once we have embraced these main ingredients than we can add the dressing to our recipe for romance. As partners we need to have fun, with each other and with our new family. Find ways to turn routine into an adventure. Here are some ideas that work:

• Instead of a sit down supper, have a picnic outside in your own garden.
• Play your favourite music at night, light candles, dance and sing along.
• When its time to bath baby, all jump in.
• When its time for baby to sleep take out the rug and sleeping bag into the garden or onto the deck and all lie down together hugging and staring at the stars.
• Have a braai and open some champagne just because it's Tuesday.
• Find excuses for a celebration and dress up for it. Go for a family swim in the morning before work.
• Change the normal routine when coming home by immediately pulling out the pram and going for a walk.
• Sometimes let go of routines and structures put in place for baby.

This article originally appeared in Woolies Babes magazine