For, while I have nothing whatsoever against tattoos, there is something so decidedly permanent about them that I feel you need at least a few moments of sober soul searching and some thorough research before you say 'I do'.

We got some advice from the pros — Dave from Bodyart Tattoo and Piercing Studio and Alex from Anima Mundi — about the best (dare I say mature?) approach to getting inked.

Picking your artist

Not all artists or studios were created equal. While this doesn't really matter if you are talking about something dispensable like a fashion mag, it is mildly important when the canvas is your body. A less than equal artist could leave you with a horribly messy scar and an infection or virus.

So how do you, the virgin tattooey, go about choosing a studio? Well, to begin with, you should probably scratch from your list anyone who operates from their mother's garage or displays dodgy tattoos themselves.

Alex suggests that the first step is to ask around and establish which studios have good reputations. Then visit as many studios as you can find. The studio needs to be really clean and hygienic. Think of this as minor surgery — if you can't picture your doctor stitching you up in the studio it is not clean enough.

Dave suggests that you don't stop at the studio, take a look at the artist too. Does he or she look like they care about hygiene? Do they have any certificates to prove their qualifications? Is the studio approved by the health department? Don't be shy to ask questions, if the studio is not willing to answer them, it is time to move on.

Important health concerns include the use of new needles for each client, the sterilisation of equipment that cannot be replaced, the proper storage of dangerous waste (needles in a sharps container) and the decanting of inks into disposable containers for each client.

The Sistine Chapel or toilet door graffiti?

Hygiene is very important, however, it is not your only concern — you want your tattoo to look good too. Alex suggests that when looking at a portfolio of the artist's work you should look at the lines and the intensity of the colour.

Squiggly uneven lines are a bad sign — they should be clean and solid. Colour should be bright and if the tattoo is a 'picture' it should be in proportion. If you are feeling a little confused by all of this, look at the overall 'neatness' of the tattoo. The tattoo should not be raised as this means that the tattoo artist overworked the area.

Where celebrities go, mere mortals should follow. Well, that's the advice that Dave gives when it comes to picking a studio. He says that if the studio has inked anyone famous (such as rugby players or soapie stars) they will probably have their pictures on the wall. If they were good enough to tattoo the celebrity, you'll probably be okay.

Now about that skull...

There are a few circumstances under which you should absolutely not get a tattoo, because your judgment is bound to be impaired and you will end up sporting something truly hideous.

These circumstances include (but do not stop at) being under the influence of some drug, being in love, being out of love and full of vengeance, being a sailor, being in prison or harbouring strong feelings of affection towards your mother.

Ah yes, and then there's that little matter of being inked in a language you don't understand — I guess having 'I only have one testicle' scrawled across your abs isn't really that bad. I mean who can actually read Chinese? Mmm... about a billion people.

While you may feel passionately about death metal and skulls at this point in your life, you may also outgrow this phase in a couple of years. Maybe, maybe not. What it comes down to is choosing an image that you know you will still be happy with in ten or forty years.

Alex feels that your tattoo should represent something of who you are. He advises against following fashion fads, getting someone's name or a tribal tattoo that is meaningless to you.

Bigger isn't necessarily better, but the size of your tattoo does matter. As you get older, your skin shrinks and shrivels a bit, which means that small tattoos should be kept simple, otherwise the details will become lost and you'll be left with a blur.

Another practical consideration is the inevitable passage of time. Yes, I know I sound like your mother, but seriously, you will not look this good forever — some parts of you will shrink and others will become disproportionately large. It's just a thought...

This may be a little uncomfortable...

Whenever I hear the words, 'this may be a little uncomfortable', I prepare myself for excruciating pain. Your tattoo artist may use those words or he or she may just come out and say: 'this is going to hurt like hell'.

While all tattoos are painful, some hurt more than others. The general rule seems to be that the more fat there is between the bone and the skin, the less it is going to hurt. The most painful areas for men tend to be the abdomen, spine and chest and for women, the ankle, spine and ribcage. Dave's guideline is to avoid the areas "where the sun don't shine".

It might also be a good idea to start out small.

Johnny Lee, Billy Bob, Brad

Ok, so your hubby ran off with your best friend after cleaning out your bank account and driving over the dog. While that would be bad, it would be so much worse if you had his name tattooed in a heart on your arm.

The good news is that you don't have to have your arm amputated; the bad news is that getting rid of that hateful inkiness is probably going to be very painful and very expensive.

Excision is a rather old-school method of removing tattoos. Basically, it involves cutting the tattoo out and stitching the skin on either side back together again. This method is relatively cheap, but it will definitely leave a scar.

Dermabrasion is as painful as it sounds — the tattoo is literally sandpapered off your skin (or burnt off with chemicals). This is painful and time consuming. It leaves less of a scar than excision and is cheaper than lasers.

Laser treatment is really the best (and supposedly least painful) option. It is also the most expensive option and even repeated treatments may fail to remove the tattoo completely and may leave a scar.

Mmm... that all sounds far too painful and expensive. I think the trick is not to get a tattoo if the thought 'well I can always have it removed' comes anywhere near crossing your mind.

So, before you head out and become permanently branded, picture yourself as a wrinkly 70-year-old, with sagging skin and lopsided grimacing skull and if you are still keen, go and get that tattoo.

For more info...

Visit www.animamundi.co.za or www.bodyart.co.za

Levelling the playing fields The South African soccer field has traditionally been a male bastion but we are moving forward.

Hottest six-pack in SA? Who does the hottest six-pack in South Africa belong to? Read this to find out...

'The woman on p194' What do you think of the appearance in a fashion magazine of a model who fills more of the page?