Fashion for guys is pretty simple. It basically boils down to a shirt. And, hey, a shirt's a shirt, right?

Not so much.

Admittedly, it's quite challenging to commit a myriad of fashion crimes with a single shirt, but the shirt that you do choose says a lot about you.

Ah yes, next time you casually pull that crumpled wifebeater from the washing basket, you may want to re-evaluate your fashion choices. Hell, if it's a wifebeater you're grabbing, you may want to re-evaluate your life choices.

So, what does your shirt say about you?

The Wifebeater

The name pretty much says it all. The eponymous sleeveless vest, once the undergarment of middle-class males, shouts trailer park with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Often accompanied by an old and unidentified stain and a protruding belly, this shirt is not likely to demand respect (fear on the other hand, is a distinct possibility). Optional extra: a few tacky tattoos.

The Two-tone Khaki Number

Most frequently found at Cape Union Mart and worn by farmers across South Africa, the two-tone khaki shirt is all about functionality. You need proof? Look at all those pockets. Pockets on top of pockets. Secret pockets within pockets. This shirt says you're a practical man, finish and klaar. It suggests you can change the tyre on a tractor whilst simultaneously milking a cobra. Optional extra: a brandy and coke.

The Polo Shirt

Not everyone can wear a Polo shirt. Sorry, correction: not everyone can afford to wear a Polo shirt. And this is, essentially, its appeal. Yip, there's nothing like a tiny embroidered horse and jockey to say: I earn more than you. The Polo shirt is best avoided if you dislike that jock moniker. Optional extra: a rich daddy.

The Two-sizes-too-small Shirt

You know who you are: you have dents in your biceps where the sleeves of your shirt have cut off the blood supply to your arms and you are used to assuring the shop assistant that you really don't need a bigger size. Besides which, you've checked yourself out in at least five different mirrors today and your pecs looked awesome every time. Optional extra: a protein shake.

The Tie-dye Shirt

Essentially you are stuck in the early nineties (or, if you're old enough, the 1970s). You are most likely to be found in a hippie compound. If not, you may find that people not wearing tie-dye attire tend to avoid you. Optional extras: psychedelic drugs, dreadlocks and no shoes.

The Ironic Message T-Shirt

The wearers of t-shirts emblazoned with ironic messages fall into three distinct groups ? those who don't get it (under the age of 18); those who are cool (18 ? 24); those who are bitter and cynical (over the age of 30). Optional extra: who needs extras when you have irony?

The Markhams Shirt

You're just a regular guy. You've moved on from the Ironic Message T-Shirt stage and aspire to Polo Shirt status. You lack the creativity of the Tie-dye guy, the trashiness of the Wifebeater guy, and the functionality of the Two-Tone guy. Occasionally ? when you've been to a few braais too many ? you become the Two-sizes-too-small guy.

If you're a guy? what shirt are you wearing right now?