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Today, 04 July 2009

> 'Jews, Arabs to live apart'

Yesterday, 03 July 2009

> A slap in the face

> I'm no thug - Schalk

> 'Jews, Arabs to live apart'

> Smit slams Bakkies ban

> Lions warn Boks

Apparently, being an Aries woman, I'm "fiercely independent" and "a bit of a tomboy" who "can fall in love easily and quickly". Oh, and I'm supposed to be turned on by my lover's perspiration, and I should wear gym gear that shows off my sexy (!) midriff. Either that, or "a towel — draped around your freshly showered body" (and I'd thank you to stop laughing now).

That's all according to astrologer Petra du Preez’s book 'Astrodisiacs: Sexy Star Signs', which offers sex advice from the stars.

We may not all be getting it, but let's face it, we all love thinking about it, so when this book landed on a colleague's desk the office had a good giggle and decided we should test Du Preez's theory out.

The Zodiac's wild woman

One of our editors admitted she was a typical Scorpio, "the wild beast of the Zodiac," she said proudly.

Du Preez agreed with her. "Let’s face it," read the introduction to Scorpio, "their reputation for being passionate lovers must come from somewhere. They have enormous sex appeal and should have no problem attracting a mate. Trusting their partner with their emotions is, however, another story. Their love life is usually highly charged with emotion and not without drama… "

"Spot on," said our Scorpio guinea pig happily.

The Scorpio woman is "dark and mysterious and contains all those wicked elements that your mother warned you about it," which our wild woman took as quite a compliment.

Recommended sexy apparel ran to "something in leather… a sexy little whip?"

True to form, our Scorpio seemed intrigued at the bondage suggestion, but we weren't too sure about the advice to "dab your fragrance on your bikini line".

Flower garlands? Hmmm...

But the Aquarius male wasn't nearly so happy about his advice.

"They prefer to start off their relationships as friendships. Emotions tend to frighten them and having a buddy whom they can talk to is much more up their alley. Since they are such freedom loving people they can give the impression of not caring for others, which is very far from the truth."

He conceded this was "kind of true", as far as the "bit about friendship" went but it was absolute "rubbish" that he was frightened of emotions and he certainly didn't give the impression of not caring for people.

But when it came to sex advice he reckoned Du Preez was way off the mark, especially the astrologer's suggestion that he might like to make love "whilst wearing only flower garlands around your ankles" or that "a delicate ankle chain" would look good on him.

Our Aquarius female was equally derisive. She didn't take kindly to being described as aloof and detached, and thought the romance advice "completely off". Neither did she like being told to wear fishnet or seamed stockings, and fiercely denied fantasising about group sex or being turned on by watching her lover "being fed grapes by bunches of (her) friends".

The incurable romantics

As it turns out, we had two Libran females to poll.

One ("the ultimate incurable romantic") reckoned the book was 100 percent right. "They live for love and the love in their life is often the most precious and cherished part of their being. They love being courted, even after years of commitment they enjoy spoiling their beloved with candle-lit dinners, romantic music and little gifts for no particular reason."

But she didn't think her husband was a typical Capricorn. "Business-minded Capricorn wants to call a board meeting every time you spend too much on your credit card," was Du Preez's verdict.

The other admitted that the descriptions of a typical Libra woman were only about 40 percent accurate when it came to her. Nevertheless, the information about her love match — a Virgo — was eerily accurate. "Virgo may very well tidy your drawers, but wearing garments made from organically grown substances like hemp and drinking decaffeinated coffee?"

The original Tarzan, searching for Jane

The office's Aries male, an astrosceptic, wasn't terribly helpful. "If this man is interested in you, you'll know it from the very first time you meet him. He may be a little naïve, but never shy. He loves to feel that he is winning your heart, keep him at a bit of a distance and you’ll get his adrenalin flowing… He enjoys having a partner to spar with, this explains his tendency to tease and provoke you. He is very much a man's man and loves to show off his muscle and brawn, but is also a passionate man whose fiery nature is most appealing."

"Okay, some of it’s true," he acknowledged sulkily.

But which parts?

"I’m not telling you!"

He took exception to being described as "the original Tarzan, fighting his way through the jungle", but laughingly agreed that since he had had sex on the beach, that particular prediction hit the mark. However, the suggestion that he might enjoy being seduced in a red sports car was greeted with a scornful laugh.

Finally, the Sagittarius female said her three bedroom rules were pretty accurate.

"The most durable mattress to double as a trampoline
Yes! To playing strip poker in bed
My couch is my bed — there's no need to make it!"

Names witheld under threat of bodily harm

'Astrodisiacs: Sexy Star Signs' is written by Petra du Preez and published by Astrozone Publishing. To find out more visit www.astrozone.co.za.

Hooked on the stars for 2008

Looking for a Christmas present? Petra du Preez has put together an astro-diary for 2008. This year, the popular journal (in its 6th running) celebrates all things girly, with funky with-it illustrations for each sign that serves as a fashion inspiration for your inner goddess, and fresh and fun titbits on all things you.

Ranging from motifs that describe you, your erotic side and how to get the most out of your holidays — it's every girl's ideal guide for the year ahead! It costs R150. Find out more at www.astrozone.co.za